There is absolutely nothing worse than having your
confidence in yourself stolen. It
happens to all of us at some point and you have to fight like the dickens to
get it back. Think back to your 12 year
old self playing in the back yard. I bet
you were slaying dragons, leaping off roofs, running as fast as The Flash in
your brand new sneakers. We have to be
told we can’t do it all because at some point in time we all believe so
strongly in ourselves that we think we are invincible. Then life comes along and starts to dampen
that enthusiasm for all the important pursuits.
Maybe it’s a well meaning parent that is trying to keep you from riding
your big wheel down the bank into the creek (I’m looking at you, Madi). Or maybe it’s a teacher that tells you your
fantasy story is too fantastical and those things just don’t make sense. It’s often well meaning people, important and
influential in our lives that are just trying to help us figure out life. Eventually we begin to learn that we aren’t
all that and a bag of chips and perhaps we should proceed cautiously into this
bigger world. It’s at that moment we
slip off our superman cape and walk stoop shouldered into the world.
Dampening of childhood confidence is probably part of
growing up but losing your passion and verve for all this world has to offer is
like a cancer slowly eating away at your soul and stealing away all the little moments
that make the beautiful memories.
Because horsemanship is a life sport it provides a great metaphor
for how confidence is projected and changes as we age. A 12 year old horse crazy kid is the perfect
example of unbridled confidence and joy for life in the moment. Watch that 12 year old kid convince that
sometimes skittish as heck Arab cross mare to sidle up to the plastic kiddie
table so she can skitter up bareback and practice jumping random jumps using 5
gallon buckets as jump standards. Falling off is all part of the fun! That 12
year old kid inside all of us eventually ages, gets a mortgage and maybe some
crazy 12 year olds of her own and soon she is a little leery of mounting the 17
year old dead broke gelding from the mounting block if it’s a smidge windy
out.
If you have felt life steal your courage you are not
alone. As a matter of fact its so common
as to be passe. But, it is possible to
get your courage back and enjoy the things you used to do without thinking
twice about it! The key is to start
small and build your confidence in a million tiny ways. Find things that stretch your confidence and
tighten the ties on your superman cape and face the challenge like a 12 year
old in shorts on a half broke Arab. Here
are some ways that you can reconnect with your inner 12 year old.
1.
Embrace
groundwork. Though it may get poo-pooed
in some circles, ground work is essential for facing some of your fears with your
shaking legs firmly on the ground. It’s
a great way to introduce things to your horse and help build their confidence. But, it’s also important to recognize when being
on the ground isn’t the safest option.
Sometimes the very best place you can be is up on their backs. But, do the groundwork at home, do it when
you meet something you aren’t sure your horse will handle well. And make sure you learn GOOD groundwork. I’m not going to make any specific
recommendation or derisions but if your groundwork program tells you to “beat
that donkey”; it may not be quite the right one. 😉
2.
Find your tribe! Surround yourself with horse friends that ride
the way you want to ride. I also
encourage you to find friends that have skills beyond yours. Find friends interested in elevating their
skills, finding the magic of soft feel and embrace both adventure and
learning. I also encourage you to remove
toxicity from your tribe. If your tribe
isn’t cheering you on, even and probably more importantly when your back is
turned, then you need to remove that individual from your tribe. Find people that will pick you up when you
fall and cheer when you get back on.
3.
Push your boundaries. Growth and learning isn’t always comfortable.
Sometimes it can make you nervous or anxious.
A little bit of that in the right environment is where the magic can happen. Want a dead broke horse? Go places and do things that challenge the
both of you. You won’t ever know how trustworthy
your mount is until you challenge that trust with situations that require the
both of you to rely on each other as true partners.
4.
Keep an open mind. You never know where you will pick up a little
gem of horsemanship. I’ve learned some
amazing little things just from my clients.
It may be a simple as a new knot or maybe a feeding or husbandry
trick. I may pick that up while watching
them have trouble putting a halter on 😉. If
you are always looking to learn instead of judging the learning in others you
can learn and grow in any situation. The
more you learn the more confidence you have!
5.
Invest in the very best horse your budget can afford. If you haven’t shopped for awhile there may
be some sticker shock for you as you discover what a basic broke trail gelding
costs in this day and age. This leads
many folks to hunting the kill pens or rescue organizations out there. While there are diamonds in the rough to be
uncovered, buying the wrong horse will do more to destroying your confidence
than anything else. ANY horse has the potential
to cause a wreck that will end up hurting you.
This is the nature of this game we play.
But, investing in a proven and safe as possible experienced mount that matches
your current level of experience is the best way to preserve your confidence
AND help rekindle the self-confidence I am speaking of.
Confidence is such an important part of being a leader for
your horse. They know! They always know! You can fake it until you make it to a certain
extent but the horse can always feel your fear even if you are trying to laugh
it off. Breathing helps so much for both
you and your horse because it has actual physical affects on your sympathetic nervous
system. If you are struggling to tie the
strings of your Superman cape and feel your knees go weak when you approach the
mounting block, try some of the suggestions above. Start small and build big. There is a great big world out there. Go get yourself a piece of it!
In my 70's now and this post is very relevant to me! Ground work and taking walks with my new horse are two of the ways we have of learning confidence in each other. And breathing! We are working on the confidence under saddle. It's coming though.
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