Finding Your Foal

 I was asked recently what I look for in a foal.  How do I pick a good one, or what is it about a youngster that sparks joy in my heart?  I found it wasn't a snap answer.  Definitely one to give some consideration to from multiple view points.  So, here are my viewpoints.  They are just mine, of course, but maybe they will give you some perspective on finding your own!

Maximum Majesty born May 2013.  Max was our first foal.  He was a perfect first foal.  From a veterinary standpoint he was a bit of wreck at birth but had a strong and self assured personality.  He was compliant, brave but not over sensitive.  

I remember asking my mentor, Eitan, what he looked for in a horse.  How did he pick the champions from the many young horses that came through his hands. He found it hard to verbalize.  Like the artist and horseman that he is he described it as a feeling.  You just know.  There is something about the horse that  speaks to your soul.  When I look at the horses that have remained as part of my herd I would have to agree.  There is something about the outside of a horse that touches the inside of the human and that connection is a lot like picking a spouse.  It's hard to define.  

Mia Fe born July 2020.  "Fe" was a very sensitive but brave foal from day one.  She is an athletic level mover much like her momma.  She is opinionated but smart.  Definitely one to challenge you.  

As a Veterinarian I am called on to examine young horses for health and wellness.  I often get to see these youngsters at their 24 hour check up.  It's quite honestly one of my favorite things to do.  If I wasn't also trying to run a business I would do these check ups free of charge.  It's the very best part of our job.  We listen to the heart, checking for regularity and lack of murmurs.  We listen to the lungs to ensure there is no lingering fluid and air is moving equally through both sides.  We feel all the joints to be sure there is no swelling.  We check the umbilicus, scrotal area and perineum for any hernias or abnormalities indicating possible inherited reproductive defects.  We look at the jaws, to ensure there is no evidence of malignment of the bite.  We look at the eyes to be sure we don't have any suspicion of congenital cataracts.  And finally we draw blood to make sure that baby received all of the colostrum from momma to set it on the path of health and wellness for a productive life. None of those very important things tell me anything about who the horse is destined to be.  The completely healthy and normal 24 hour old foal may grow up to be a clobber footed dingbat who can't walk a straight line without tripping or spooking.  What does give me some information as to who this foal will be is how they handle the process of this examination.  

Sheila Fe was born May 2021.  Sheila has been very sure of herself and smart since birth.  She is forward thinking and more likely to tell you what to do than accept what you tell her to do.  She has the energy of a horse twice her size. 

Whether your foal was imprinted properly or was gathered from a range mare and trapped in a corner while someone restrains the veterinarian eating momma, you can see right from the start if this is a sensitive, curious, frightful, brave, or smart baby.  It still doesn't tell you much about their winning potential but it does give you the first glimpse of their personality.  In my very humble and relatively inexperienced opinion, that personality means at least twice what the conformation, breeding and type mean for performance in the long run.   

The next important aspect of evaluating a young horse is to be realistic about what you hope that foal will grow up to be.  You may have a discipline focused breeding program that is carefully creating foals for a specific purpose that predetermines the athletic future of your foal.  You may also have one special mare that you bred in honor of keeping the legacy of that special horse alive in your herd.  Either way, the best of intentions can be overridden by so many variables that are completely out of your control and likely more related to your horse's personality or possibly physical limitations.  My great grandpa, grandpa, father and uncle were all attorneys.  My mother was a paralegal for my father.  I was bred to be an attorney and raised in a home filled with it.  My personality determined that wasn't possible for me.  That's a little anthropomorphic for our foals, but they will tell you what their job should be if you listen.  You are much more likely to turn a baby bred for your sport into a happy participant in that sport but they can still surprise you.  

Betty Fe born April 2022.  Betty is quiet and accepting as well as smart and friendly.  She is quick to learn and easy to teach new things and once she learns something new it's pretty solid.  A very level headed foal.

This is again why I think personality is so important in your selection.  If you are a hunter jumper you want a brave, forward thinking not overly sensitive (spooky or touchy) foal.  If you are a reiner you want an athletic, sensitive, smart but level headed foal.  If you are a casual trail rider you want a foal that is trusting, quiet, brave but not reactive.  It's important to be realistic about your goals.  You may think you want a high powered athletic cowy son-of-a-gun, but if you are only a casual hobby cow worker that horse may spin right out from underneath you because his game is bigger than yours! 

I believe you can see a lot of this potential in a youngster from day one, but especially by 3 months.  It's a little tougher if they haven't been handled much but you can also watch how they interact in the herd or with their mother.  You can watch how they learn, how they process stimuli, how they seek release.  

So, how do I select my next partner from the small breeding program I have been blessed with?  I have a sentimental legacy that I very much want to carry on in selecting an offspring from my stallion.  I had hoped to have a son of his to carry on his legacy but he is going to have to carry that legacy through one of his daughters.  I am an avid mountain rider but I also love fancy movement and a flashy horse that tests me and forces me to grow and learn with it.  I also want pretty.  Ultimately, I think I pick out my horses most like Eitan.  There is just that something.  That indefinable something that touches my soul when I see a horse that needs to be mine.  I'm still not going to be able to put it into any more words than that! 

Patti Fe was born October 2022.  Patti has been smart and quick since she was born.  She was up on her feet before her mom and nursing faster than any foal we have had.  She is self assured, athletic, curious and brave.  She also has that something.

The Nadir

 This blog post is going to depart from my general horsemanship ramblings to more of a personal note.  I suppose, as all horsemen know, that horsemanship is really life, it won't be as much of a stretch as it may seem at first glance.  As Buck Brannaman is much quoted as saying, "Horses and life; it's all the same to me."  

I've come to view 2021 as my personal nadir.  As I've been wallowing, struggling and trying to breathe through these past months, "nadir" is the most polite and academic term I can come up with.  For those of you who's geometry classes are somewhat of a blur, here is the definition of nadir as defined by our friends at Webster

Nadir: the point of the celestial sphere that is directly opposite the zenith and vertically downward from the observer. 2 : the lowest point. 

The problem with the term nadir is that it assumes that it is in fact the lowest point and that there will be no points lower in the future.  Handy in geometry or astronomical computations, less handy in life.  Indeed I cringe slightly to assume this is in fact has been the nadir and that life will be better in the future.  That implies a certain amount of hope that is quite frankly difficult to sustain in the sucking pit of nadirism.  

Pain, depression and anxiety, regardless of their source or substance can only truly be appreciated by the person for whom they are making their mark.  We judge our friends for their ability to weather a storm and marvel at their brave ability to move forward with a perpetual spirit of polyannaism.  As a society we are uncomfortable with grief, pain, and depression.  It hasn't been that long in our collective psyche that the mentally compromised were stashed away out of sight in some horrific institutions, colloquially dubbed "hospitals" but more akin to dungeons.  

In today's more "woke" society we can talk about it in the abstract.  We can recognize the importance of mental well being and stability.  We have armloads of pharmaceuticals devoted to the pursuit of stable mental health.  But we still struggle to know what to do for a friend or loved one that is experiencing the nadir of their own personal storyline arc.  

Because as a society we struggle to embrace these nadirs, those left experiencing them are forced to cope in a number of different ways, all of which are then subject to judgement by our friends, families and acquaintances.  Unfortunately, without the aid of either professionals who are well versed in these struggles or friends that have reached their nadir and climbed back out again we can struggle to feel like our own personal journey is normal emphasizing the "brokenness" that I think is more disorientating than the depression.  

While all of us must go through the day to day and minute to minute realities of our own journey on our own, it is so useful to know that others have felt the way you do and have found a way to feel more "normal" again.  But how are we to discover that if we don't talk about it?  If talking about it makes your friends feel uncomfortable or that they need to "fix" it for you?

When my best friend hit her nadir and was rocked by personal tragedy that I couldn't even empathize with because of the shear depth of the pain, I was at a loss for how to help.  I chose love through distraction for my friend and tried to be present to listen when she needed someone to talk to.  But in reality I just couldn't be what she really needed in that time.  Thank goodness she had the presence of mind to seek a support group of others that were going through a similar experience to help her understand the process and to help her identify her experience through the filter of other people's journeys.  

Then when I hit my low point, she was able to be there for me.  Just talking about how low the lows feel and how hard it is some days to just freaking brush your hair and make it out the door.  How you have days where you feel pretty dang normal then something hits you out of left field and you are struggling to breath normally again.  

Grief and depression are such a personal things.  Nobody can truly walk through those things with you.  Nobody can take the pain away or say anything that will ease the suffering that has to bleed through your system as it heals you.  But, having the freedom to say, "this is how I feel today" and having someone that can say, "Ah, yes.  I remember something like that feeling." makes you realize that you are not, after all, crazy.  You are not, after all, irrevocably broken.  And most importantly, you are not, after all, going to feel like this for the rest of your life.  

Having been for the most part a very joyful and optimistic person for the past 48 years it has been earth shattering to me to feel my nadir (dear god, let this be my nadir!).  Looking for things that spark joy or trying to count my blessings is a daily chore that I sometimes fail to get done.  It's hard not to stare around the world at this dark reality and not just get caught up in the melancholy of it all.  

Because society demands it, I hide these feelings most of the time.  I play distraction games that allow me to forget or at least to concentrate on something else besides the darkness still sucking at my core.  I go to work.  I do my chores.  I attempt to engage in the things that have brought me joy.  But, when I give myself the time to acknowledge the despair it swoops in and grabs me by the ankles and I have to sit and cry for a spell before I can move on again.  

So, why am I talking about this?  Is this a desperate plea for sympathy?  Is this a cry for help or attention?  Am I trying to say to the world, look at how tough I have it?  Nope.  None of those things.  I know I am not alone.  I know that there are others who are struggling with their own nadirs.  I know that loss, suffering, and depression are everywhere and the people struggling may be friends, acquaintances and people that you would never in a million years suspect are struggling.  This is why grace is so important.  Talking is important when you feel safe to do so.  Being NOT OK IS OK!.  You don't have to put on a happy face all the time.  You don't have to be having the most amazing blessed life all the time. (Social media is the WORST for that!)   

We need to normalize the process of being less than okay and still getting through your day.  We need to talk about the struggles, the weight of the feelings and the lack of joy that can be a daily burden to carry.  We need to be gracious to one another.  If you know someone who is struggling, just a quick note, soft word, or quick hug can mean the world to them.  Don't make them feel like they have to go away until they can be more happy and normal again.  It is brave to face adversity with a smile, but I think it's even braver to stand there and look it in the eye with tears streaming down your face.