Corralling your Confidence

 

There is absolutely nothing worse than having your confidence in yourself stolen.  It happens to all of us at some point and you have to fight like the dickens to get it back.  Think back to your 12 year old self playing in the back yard.  I bet you were slaying dragons, leaping off roofs, running as fast as The Flash in your brand new sneakers.  We have to be told we can’t do it all because at some point in time we all believe so strongly in ourselves that we think we are invincible.   Then life comes along and starts to dampen that enthusiasm for all the important pursuits.  Maybe it’s a well meaning parent that is trying to keep you from riding your big wheel down the bank into the creek (I’m looking at you, Madi).  Or maybe it’s a teacher that tells you your fantasy story is too fantastical and those things just don’t make sense.  It’s often well meaning people, important and influential in our lives that are just trying to help us figure out life.  Eventually we begin to learn that we aren’t all that and a bag of chips and perhaps we should proceed cautiously into this bigger world.  It’s at that moment we slip off our superman cape and walk stoop shouldered into the world. 

Dampening of childhood confidence is probably part of growing up but losing your passion and verve for all this world has to offer is like a cancer slowly eating away at your soul and stealing away all the little moments that make the beautiful memories. 

Because horsemanship is a life sport it provides a great metaphor for how confidence is projected and changes as we age.  A 12 year old horse crazy kid is the perfect example of unbridled confidence and joy for life in the moment.  Watch that 12 year old kid convince that sometimes skittish as heck Arab cross mare to sidle up to the plastic kiddie table so she can skitter up bareback and practice jumping random jumps using 5 gallon buckets as jump standards.   Falling off is all part of the fun! That 12 year old kid inside all of us eventually ages, gets a mortgage and maybe some crazy 12 year olds of her own and soon she is a little leery of mounting the 17 year old dead broke gelding from the mounting block if it’s a smidge windy out. 

If you have felt life steal your courage you are not alone.  As a matter of fact its so common as to be passe.  But, it is possible to get your courage back and enjoy the things you used to do without thinking twice about it!  The key is to start small and build your confidence in a million tiny ways.  Find things that stretch your confidence and tighten the ties on your superman cape and face the challenge like a 12 year old in shorts on a half broke Arab.  Here are some ways that you can reconnect with your inner 12 year old. 

1.        Embrace groundwork.  Though it may get poo-pooed in some circles, ground work is essential for facing some of your fears with your shaking legs firmly on the ground.  It’s a great way to introduce things to your horse and help build their confidence.  But, it’s also important to recognize when being on the ground isn’t the safest option.  Sometimes the very best place you can be is up on their backs.  But, do the groundwork at home, do it when you meet something you aren’t sure your horse will handle well.  And make sure you learn GOOD groundwork.  I’m not going to make any specific recommendation or derisions but if your groundwork program tells you to “beat that donkey”; it may not be quite the right one. 😉

2.       Find your tribe!  Surround yourself with horse friends that ride the way you want to ride.  I also encourage you to find friends that have skills beyond yours.  Find friends interested in elevating their skills, finding the magic of soft feel and embrace both adventure and learning.  I also encourage you to remove toxicity from your tribe.  If your tribe isn’t cheering you on, even and probably more importantly when your back is turned, then you need to remove that individual from your tribe.  Find people that will pick you up when you fall and cheer when you get back on. 

3.       Push your boundaries.  Growth and learning isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it can make you nervous or anxious.  A little bit of that in the right environment is where the magic can happen.  Want a dead broke horse?  Go places and do things that challenge the both of you.  You won’t ever know how trustworthy your mount is until you challenge that trust with situations that require the both of you to rely on each other as true partners. 

4.       Keep an open mind.  You never know where you will pick up a little gem of horsemanship.  I’ve learned some amazing little things just from my clients.  It may be a simple as a new knot or maybe a feeding or husbandry trick.  I may pick that up while watching them have trouble putting a halter on 😉.  If you are always looking to learn instead of judging the learning in others you can learn and grow in any situation.  The more you learn the more confidence you have!

5.       Invest in the very best horse your budget can afford.  If you haven’t shopped for awhile there may be some sticker shock for you as you discover what a basic broke trail gelding costs in this day and age.  This leads many folks to hunting the kill pens or rescue organizations out there.  While there are diamonds in the rough to be uncovered, buying the wrong horse will do more to destroying your confidence than anything else.  ANY horse has the potential to cause a wreck that will end up hurting you.  This is the nature of this game we play.  But, investing in a proven and safe as possible experienced mount that matches your current level of experience is the best way to preserve your confidence AND help rekindle the self-confidence I am speaking of. 

Confidence is such an important part of being a leader for your horse.  They know!  They always know!  You can fake it until you make it to a certain extent but the horse can always feel your fear even if you are trying to laugh it off.  Breathing helps so much for both you and your horse because it has actual physical affects on your sympathetic nervous system.  If you are struggling to tie the strings of your Superman cape and feel your knees go weak when you approach the mounting block, try some of the suggestions above.  Start small and build big.  There is a great big world out there.  Go get yourself a piece of it!